one two three ... fourteen?

Happy holidays, fokkers -- Love, Bono MBE

2006-12-23T11:58:00.000-05:00

Bono to Receive Honorary Knighthood

By SHAWN POGATCHNIK
The Associated Press
Saturday, December 23, 2006; 9:22 AM

DUBLIN, Ireland -- Irish rocker and humanitarian Bono will become a knight of the British empire _ but the U2 frontman won't be called "Sir."

Britain confirmed Saturday Bono will receive his honorary knighthood from the British ambassador to Ireland, David Reddaway, in a Dublin ceremony shortly after New Year's Day.

The Dubliner, whose real name is Paul Hewson, won't be entitled to use the title "Sir" because he is not a national of Britain or the Commonwealth of former British colonies.

A spokesman said the 46-year-old singer was flattered by the honor and hoped it will help him open diplomatic doors in his campaign for more Western aid to Africa.

In a letter to Bono released Saturday, British Prime Minister Tony Blair said the singer's lobbying had forced wealthy nations to focus on increasing aid to Africa.

"I know from talking to you how much these causes matter to you," Blair wrote. "I know as well how knowledgeable you are about the problems we face and how determined you are to do all you can to help overcome them. You have tirelessly used your voice to speak up for Africa."

Blair said he hoped to keep working with Bono "to work together to maintain momentum on Africa, and ensure leaders around the world meet the promises they have made."

The British Embassy in Dublin said the Irish government approved granting Bono the title. The issue is diplomatically sensitive, because Irish officials are legally barred from receiving British royal honors and other Irish nationals have refused nominations on political grounds. Ireland withdrew from the Commonwealth in 1949.

Previous non-British nationals who received knighthoods include Bono's fellow Dubliner and rocker-turned-humanitarian Bob Geldof, Bill Gates, the Spanish opera singer Placido Domingo, Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal, former New York Mayor Rudolf Giuliani, and Steven Spielberg.

Illness forces U2 tour cancellation

2006-03-09T09:38:00.000-05:00

Family member is ill, Reuters reports. I certainly hope it's nothing serious. Nevertheless, it shows that only an act of God can stop the Bono.

Scarlett says Bono is "Everlasting coolness"

2006-02-28T16:24:00.000-05:00

Sorry boys, but seems that knock-out hottie, Scarlett Johansson, thinks Bono rules. Man, I'll even admit to a girl crush on Scarlett, but I'll have to give that up after this one.

More from ContactMusic.com whoever they are.

How Long, How Long Must We Buy This Shit?

2006-01-26T15:48:00.000-05:00

It's nice to know that Bono is saving us all the drudgery of giving to charity by shopping at the Gap instead.

Wanker.

Plus his bandmates are worried about the little philanthopist getting too coozy with world leaders. The Edge must be all moody that he's not licking W's arse like the Bonster.

8-year-olds, dude

2006-01-05T22:24:00.000-05:00

It just occurred to me that the inner sleeve photo of U2's first album, "Boy," is a little creepy. What was Boner trying to tell us?

Nothing Has Changed On New Year's Day

2006-01-02T09:56:00.000-05:00

New Year, Same Bono.

LONDON - Bono said he feared his commitment to campaigning against poverty would force him out of his band, U2.

"They (the band) are hugely supportive spiritually and financially of the work I do, but they are in a rock 'n 'roll band, and the first job of a rock 'n 'roll band is not to be dull," Bono told British Broadcasting Corp. radio on Saturday.

"So we have to be very careful about just letting me go too far."

With fellow musician Bob Geldof, Bono was one of the leaders of this year's international Make Poverty History campaign and Live 8 concert, and he frequently makes on-stage statements about global poverty during U2 concerts.

"When I do my rant on making poverty history, I have got Larry Mullen, our drummer, behind me looking at his watch, timing me."

"I thought we would wear our audience out, but it hasn't happened," he said. "People are smart out there. They know what you are doing, they know the compromises you are making, they get it."

On the contrary, Bono, we DON'T get it.

Don't Stand For It (World)

2005-12-06T02:54:00.000-05:00

Alicia Keys and Bono release a duet today on iTunes - Don't Give Up (Africa), a song originally performed by Kate Bush and Peter Gabriel about 20 years ago. So, if you find yourself hearing an ephemeral voice in your head singing "Don't give up" that's why. Only Kate and Peter's song was called, So, and they didn't bother to add the parenthesis at the end (what).

I find the first graph of the USAToday story to be the most loathsome.

Alicia Keys and Bono are hoping to save the lives of children through song.

Ok ok, the proceeds from the song go to charity. But let me pose this question: why iTunes exclusive then? I like iTunes and all, but if you really want to make bank (and exposure) on a song, you need Wal-Mart distribution. Say what you will about Wal-Mart, product moves in those stores. Compare that with the potential of an iTunes exclusive, and all you've really got here is good PR for Alicia and Bono.

I'm not going to poopoo celebrities who use their fame to support charities. I work for a charity, and this kind of exposure is what dreams are made of in the fundraising world. But put all the elements together: Bono + Alicia Keyes + iTunes + Bono + not bothering to write an original song + Bono = half-ass attempt to do something in time for the holidays b/c that's what you're supposed to do if you're famous and it's the holidays.

wankers

2005-11-26T12:17:00.000-05:00

It's not just the national scene anymore. Bono is getting more involved at the local level - offering what I am sure is an unsolicited opinion on the race for Governor of the state of Canada.

Comparing the growing battle to lift global poverty to the fight to end apartheid, the U2 frontman said Martin could suffer a ballot-box backlash if he refuses to commit to meeting the target of 0.7% of GDP adopted by other wealthy nations.

"I think the prime minister will find out, if he walks away from the opportunity to 0.7%, I think he will hear about it and feel it in the election.

"I'm absolutely sure of that," he told reporters during an Ottawa news conference.

...

Calling himself a "fan" of Canada, the musician-activist praised results of a recent poll that showed 45% of Canadians support giving more money to end world hunger and disease.

What's next? Bono's going to butt in on the race for Sanitation Commissioner?

Hey, We Need Those Clothes!

2005-07-06T13:55:00.000-04:00

U2's Suits and Slacks

Tue Jul 05, 6:53 PM ET

It's a beautiful day for U2--the group managed to sue the pants off a former band aide.

A judge in Dublin ruled Tuesday that the band's onetime hairstylist must return a number of mementos, including Bono's trousers and trademark Stetson hat, that she took without permission.

Dublin Circuit Justice Matthew Deery called Lola Cashman's claims that U2 had given her the gear as a gift at the end of the band's seminal 1987 The Joshua Tree world tour highly "unlikely" given the group's stringent policy of archiving such items.

In addition to the black trousers and cowboy hat (the latter of which Bono sported in such videos as "With or Without You" and in the 1988 concert film Rattle and Hum), Cashman has a week to turn over earrings, a sweatshirt and 200 polaroids taken during the late 1980s.

"The weight of the evidence was entirely against Ms. Cashman in this case," said Deery, who also noted that her possession of the photographs violated a confidentiality agreement she signed with the band.

Neither Cashman nor the band was in court for the verdict. But after the hearing, Bono was quoted by the BBC as saying he and his mates were pleased with the decision.

"This case was brought very reluctantly in the context of a larger dispute which we never invited," the 44-year-old frontman said. "The point of principle involved was of much greater significance to us than any item of memorabilia."

Lawyers for U2 brought the souvenir suit after Cashman attempted to auction off the goods in 2002. The Irish rockers went to court seeking return of the goods.

Cashman retaliated by suing U2 for defamation of character, arguing they were attacking her for publishing the unauthorized tell-all Inside the Zoo with U2.

However, Deery was leery about the stylist's claims in his ruling, stating that the band had a justifiable interest in wanting its stuff back, regardless of the defamation claim.

"It would seem odd if the group were to make a provision to pursue a claim of this nature if the subject was not of importance to the band," the judge said.

Leery scheduled a hearing for July 12 to take up the matter of court costs.

Meanwhile, U2 is back on the road after a rousing performance as one of the headliners at Saturday's Live 8 concert in London.

The band kicked off the proceedings by backing Paul McCartney on a rousing rendition of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." Bono and the boys then delivered a stirring four-song set of "A Beautiful Day," "Vertigo," "One" and "Unchained Melody." They then raced off to Vienna to resume the Euro leg of their Vertigo tour.

The point of principle? The principle is you donned this ridiculous attire for a video and a concert! Does it mean that much to you, fuckin' wankers?

twisting bono's words

2005-07-02T08:46:00.000-04:00

The State Department recently doctored Bono's words about President Bush's record on aid to Africa.

In other news, the State Department also claims that Bono found what he was looking for a long time ago.

- From Wonkette.

SIR paul

2005-07-02T08:38:00.000-04:00

Why oh why couldn't Paul have been the one with rabid fans? Oh yeah, because he's so tepid. He really should team up with Eric Idle for one great legacy-disgracing tour. They are beginning to make Terry Jones and Ringo look good. Meanwhile, he's inflicting a collabortion abomination with U2 on the world, with Bono - presumably - in the part of the one and only Billy Shears. Again with the insults to Ringo....

On the other hand, Sir Paul's most famous non-Beatle lyric:

"In this ever changing world in which we live in"

makes U2's crap seem profound,

GLASTONBURY SNUB FOR U2

2005-06-27T14:28:00.000-04:00

GLASTONBURY organiser MICHAEL EAVIS has snubbed U2 in favour of new bands for GLASTONBURY 2007.

Speaking this morning (June 26) at the event, Eavis revealed that he won’t be making any effort to book U2 when the festival returns in two years time, and instead is looking to many of the bands who starred on this year's NME Awards tour.

”I'm not doing the U2 thing again,” he said. “They’ve got to phone me now, I can tell you that.”

He added: “A lot of these new bands are creeping up fast. The best bands of this year have been Kaiser Chiefs, Razorlight, Bloc Party and there are so many of them out there who are racing up the scale. One of those are going to be headlining eventually. There’s plenty of new stuff to choose from. If U2 give me a ring I’d be delighted – but I’m not going to ring them anymore.”

2005-06-27T13:38:00.000-04:00

A picture is worth a 1000 words, indeed. Messiah or Madison Ave.?

peace frogs

2005-06-14T13:20:00.000-04:00

Is that Cat Stevens or the Doors? The Doors, I think. Cat Stevens was on the Peace Train. Anyway, across the pond a cell phone ring tone has topped the charts for the third consecutive week. This, from the small nation that blessed us with the Beatles, the Kinks, and the Darkness. On the upside, U2 latest treacly piece of shit "City of Blinding Lights" is stuck at number two.

Crazy Frog keeps U2 from top of charts

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bono

2005-06-07T09:45:00.000-04:00

I love the anticipation and excitement of waiting for something you REALLY want. Unfortunately, the hype can sometimes overshadow the actually receiving of said wanted item. On my first play of U2's latest album, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, I was incredibly disappointed. It's instantly recognisable as a U2 album. There's Edge's trademark guitar playing, and Bono's pleading, coaxing lyrics. There's the return of the usual themes of love, longing, spirituality and being lost. With the middle section of "Vertigo" taken from the Boy album, it even borrows from previous U2 songs.

How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb is probably the most commercial album that U2 have ever put out. This is not the album of a band trying to reaffirm their status of rock gods. This is an attempt to please everyone. The tracks are all safe and mainstream radio-friendly. There are some stand out uplifting, anthemic songs ("Vertigo," "All Because of You" and "City of Blinding Lights"), which are easily comparable with the best on The Joshua Tree or Achtung Baby.

The rest of the album is mainly made up of slower tracks and ballads. These are too frequently unmemorable and mediocre. They sound like they should be on a film soundtrack as background music. U2 used to have a reputation for being different, for creating new sounds. Think of "Miami," "Numb" and "Elvis Presley and America." On How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, the strangest inclusions are a few Spanish phrases and a flamenco-influenced beginning to "Fast Cars." U2 were frequently criticised for their musical diversions, but at least in the past they tried.

-- Daisy Gale

London Calling (Strummer, God)

2005-06-02T17:10:00.000-04:00

"All the best songs are co-written by God, y'know!" -Bono

Senor Wankero

2005-06-01T15:32:00.000-04:00

Whatever the merits of the case, his [Bob Geldof] fellow Irish singer,
Bono, has admitted some people think the worst thing of all is a "rock
star with a cause".

The U2 lead singer told delegates at last year's Labour conference:
"Listen, I know what this looks like, rock star standing up here,
shouting imperatives others have to fulfil.

"But that's what we do, rock stars. Rock stars get to wave flags,
shout at the barricades, and escape to the South of France. We're
unaccountable.

"We behave accordingly. But not you. You can't... See, we're actually
counting on you."

addition by subtraction

2005-05-30T15:01:00.000-04:00

Way back in 2002, there was an article that went around titled something like "100 Records to Purge From Your Collection." I don't recall where this came from, but while cleaning up some odds and ends on my computer, I came across a copy. Here, then, are a few choice nuggets:

#2 U2 - The Joshua Tree
Oh, to be earnest, politically correct, Christian, and filthy rich. It's been 15 years since the birth of this critical and popular favorite, and U2-worship still hasn't been eradicated. When will it stop? When you do the right thing and retire this pompous collection of religious rock songs, that's when.

#26 U2 - Zooropa
After capably adding techno touches to the masterful Achtung Baby, U2 spent the rest of the '90s vainly chasing after the muses of trip-hop, acid jazz and rave. Although Zooropa was deemed challenging and ahead of its time by fans who listened to nothing but anthem-rock, time has proven tracks like "Stay," "Daddy's Gonna Pay for Your Crashed Car" and "Dirty Day" to be mediocre songs that were considered cool because they sounded weird.

And my favorite:

#69 U2 - War
"We do make, and we will continue to make, soul music. Soul music is when you bring what's on the inside to the outside." (Bono, 1983) --Actually, defecating is when you bring what's on the inside to the outside, Mr. MacPhisto. Well done with 1983's War.

the who sell out. U2 want to.

2005-05-26T16:11:00.000-04:00

U2 Say No to TV Commercial

The relevant quote:

In the end the band agreed not to accept the offer because “Where the Streets Have No Name” was a song they did not want associated with a commercial.

In other words: "We want the dough, but not for THAT song."

Razzle, Dazzle Pope

2005-05-18T22:24:00.000-04:00

From the VOA:

http://www.voanews.com/english/2005-04-03-voa20.cfm

Bono, lead singer of the rock group U2, has praised the late Pope John Paul as a "great showman" and the "best front man the Catholic Church ever had."

If by showman you mean his opposition to condom use to fight AIDS, then yes, I suppose that was a pretty good sleight of hand to pull over on most of Africa. Think before you speak, mate.

priorities

2005-05-18T15:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, a headline says it all: Forget U2; we've got a bus shelter

yellow eye of the tiger

2005-05-10T04:20:00.000-04:00

See the resemblance? Coldplay does.

"What matters is trying to write the best tunes in the world. And having a picture of U2 on the wall, and trying to pump enough logs to take out the Drago that is U2 - that's our mission."

windbaggery

2005-05-09T16:23:00.000-04:00

In case you didn't check out the link to the Sun-Times review in the last post (and I urge you to), here's the best part:

The 45-year-old front man's hubristic sins went on and on... Still, while he was the most obnoxious presence, it would be wrong to single him out as the only offender.

Guitarist The Edge, bassist Adam Clayton and drummer Larry Mullen Jr. gave their silent approval while providing the music that served as background and afterthought for all of this speechifying, and they did so in a rote, autopilot fashion that created a disturbing contrast between the impassioned windbaggery and the passionless rock 'n' roll.

It's not just Bono. It's the whole damn band.

Sun-Times Rides Bono'

2005-05-09T09:56:00.000-04:00

Our man at the Chicago Sun-Times comes through with this most revealing negative review of the show.

"Wearing a mock fascist uniform and goose-stepping around the oval catwalk jutting from the stage at the United Center on Saturday, the first of U2's four sold-out shows here, Bono repeated an odd little chant during an encore of "Zoo Station": "We put on a show / We do the business / But this is not / Show business."

"Yes, it most certainly was, and it was every bit as phony, bombastic and manipulative as a Britney Spears concert, the Republican National Convention or a televangelist's miracle-working dog and pony show.

"As a fan who's seen the group a dozen times and who ranks 1992's Zoo TV tour on the short list of the best concerts I've ever experienced, U2 has never seemed as pointlessly pretentious and preachy."

Bono at the Gates'

2005-04-27T13:22:00.000-04:00

Bono bunks with Bill Gates when in Seattle
Tue Apr 26, 7:01 AM ET
SEATTLE (Reuters) - When U2's lead singer came to Seattle over the weekend for a concert, there was only one logical place to stay -- the home of Bill Gates, who shares Bono's passion for Third World development and relief efforts.

"I was one of 20,000 screaming fans," Microsoft's co-founder Gates told Reuters. Gates, the world's richest man, said he got to know Bono through his work with his philanthropy.

Gates said that Irish rocker Bono was staying with him and that the two hung out together after the concert in Seattle.

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, with an endowment of $28 billion (14.6 billion pounds), is the world's biggest charitable organization and aims to improve the health of people in the developing world.

"We're big believers that more needs to be done in developing countries," Gates said. "Let me tell you, Bono has had a huge impact."

Bono is a vocal advocate of Third World debt relief and Gates' foundation has given out more than $4 billion for global health since its inception to fight diseases such as AIDS and malaria.

Asked if their friendship would entice him to buy one of Microsoft rival Apple Computer's black-and-red U2 edition iPods, Gates said: "Absolutely not."

intravenous de milo

2005-04-26T16:34:00.000-04:00

In light of today's much-heralded release of Bruce Springsteen's latest - "Devils & Dust" - I am reminded of this Slate article from a few years back. Here the relevant passage:

U2 is perhaps the world's vaguest band. If a U2 song isn't written in the first person, it is penned to an unnamed, indistinct "you." Instead of stories or wordplay, they rely solely on fuzzy imagery. I opened the liner notes to All That You ... and wrote down the first three lines I read: "See the canyons broken by clouds"; "I and I in the sky"; "A man takes a rocket ship into the skies." Classic U2 haze—skies, rockets, clouds, canyons. Doesn't anyone have a name? There are never any actual people in U2 songs, never any characters. (Compare U2 to the narrative specificity of Bob Dylan or Bruce Springsteen.) This vagueness drains U2's lyrics of any content: It is impossible to think about a U2 song. "One" includes depressing lines like "We hurt each other/ Then we do it again" and "You say love is a temple. … You ask me to enter/ But then you make me crawl"...

Well since you asked [full disclosure: I like depressing lyrics as much - more, in fact - as the next guy. But that notwithstanding...], here's the opening lyrics to the best song on Springsteen's best record:

My name is Joe Roberts I work for the state
I'm a sergeant out of Perrineville barracks number 8
I always done an honest job as honest as I could
I got a brother named Frankie and Frankie ain't no good

Now ever since we was young kids it's been the same come down
I get a call over the radio Frankie's in trouble downtown
Well if it was any other man, I'd put him straight away
But when it's your brother sometimes you look the other way

Yeah me and Frankie laughin' and drinkin'
Nothin' feels better than blood on blood
Takin' turns dancin' with Maria as the band
Played "Night of the Johnstown Flood"

I catch him when he's strayin' like any brother would
Man turns his back on his family well he just ain't no good

What with the new job and all, I've had to try to explain my anti-U2 stance more than usual over the past few weeks. I've finally determined: the only difference between Matchbox 20 and U2 is their megalomania. And I'm indicting the Edge and the other guys too, because they tolerate Bono's bullshit. The musical growth rate of this band cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded politics and bad poetry.

The Bono quote book

2005-04-26T10:35:00.000-04:00

This will make you head for the hills and never stop puking:

http://www.bonoonline.com/quotes.html

As an aside, a certain gent has threatened to expose me on this site as a former U2 fan. I'll cop to that. But I never said, as he has accused me of saying, that Pop was a better record than OK Computer. Wouldn't have happened, Anderson.

how long must they sing this song?

2005-04-25T07:13:00.000-04:00

The Seattle Times asks and answers.

"He pulled two women up from the audience to dance and play with him. He gave one of them a piggyback ride. Both got hugs and kisses."

World Domination program going according to plan

2005-04-22T15:49:00.000-04:00

Don't let the Masons win.

Experience Music Project, Bono-Style

2005-04-22T07:21:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of the Seattle Times...

From a Fly to a Crowe - Trying to Be Like Bono

2005-04-20T14:59:00.000-04:00

The many moods of Russell Crowe, courtesy of Salon:

"This record is fresh, revelatory and graceful." That's Russell Crowe, writing with customary modesty about his upcoming solo record, "My Hand, My Heart." Best of all, says Crowe, is the song "Raewyn," "the only song I've ever written that has made both men and women cry, think and call their parents, usually in that order." And he's got testimonials from famous friends to prove it. "I have e-mails from Sting and Billy Bragg � that give testament to the quiet power of this song." Crowe actually went so far as to post the e-mails on his Web site, although they've now been removed, after he was widely mocked for doing so. "Raewyn" was put up for download on iTunes Tuesday, so now you can judge just how quietly powerful it is for yourself. And if you need some help appreciating its quiet power, you may find it useful to read the 1,000-word explanatory "Background to Raewyn" that Crowe has posted in the news section of his site. I say don't waste your dollar. The song is dull, sentimental, confessional singer-songwriter blahness.

I want to break down the walls that hold me inside.

2005-04-20T14:39:00.000-04:00

From "http://www.rightnow.org/contentDetail.aspx?id=1208&sid=1003"

"I like tough people," he said. "You're tough in the Midwest. There's a toughness and tenacity here." ----------------->

Without introduction, Bono steps onto the Wheaton College stage and pandemonium erupts. A standing-room-only crowd leaps to its feet and cheers as if it were a rock concert.

Wearing black pants, a dark sweater and an army green military cap, the lead singer of U2 slaps a few outstretched hands and launches into what may be the two most surreal hours in the Christian school's history.

He swears. He quotes Scripture. He cracks jokes and chokes back tears. He chastises Christians' occasional blind eye, then praises their hearts.

He listens with great humility to a welcome telegram from the Rev. Billy Graham, the college's most beloved graduate. Minutes later, he confidently tells the students they have a moral obligation to battle the AIDS virus that plagues Africa.

"You didn't start it," he said. "But you can end it. We need your help. Let's rock and roll."

...

Get off your knees? Please...

2005-04-19T11:39:00.000-04:00

Preaching U2:
http://www.cowleypublications.org/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=141

"I wouldn't be at all surprised if after you read a few of these sermons you'll be hungrier for a more meaningful life."
- Scott Calhoun on @U2 (a fan website)

What would Bono say?

Asshole, Pt. II

2005-04-18T12:37:00.000-04:00

Spotted in Romanesko's daily journo-blog:

http://www.madison.com/wsj/mad/local/index.php?ntid=36376

Only campus media were allowed to cover Sting's appearance in a University of Wisconsin-Madison classroom, but pro reporter Melanie Conklin did her best to get the scoop. She writes: "Reporters become beastly people when told they are forbidden from getting information from a public entity. So we do what any rational person would do: phone campus papers, harass current and former student interns, visit Sting chat rooms, call music junkies. All that gleans is an article saying he'll allegedly perform 'Don't Stand So Close to Me,' a rather creepy choice for a classroom visit."

This is what Elvis Costello meant when he sang "Hurry Down, Doomsday, the Bugs Are Taking Over:"

"Any day a giant insect mutation
Will swoop down and devour the white man's burden,
Starting off with all of the sensitive ones,
Better make like a FLY if you don't want to die,
Look out! There goes GORDON."

Fokkers.

zoopopa

2005-04-17T08:22:00.000-04:00

guilty by association

2005-04-15T10:08:00.000-04:00

Lest we focus too much on the frontman, here's a picture of one of the other guys looking every bit as much of a poseur as the Edge or Bono:

Another Bono/Elvis Mix

2005-04-15T09:22:00.000-04:00

Who IS he? Is he the FLY? Or is he the King of America?

Outside it's America! Outside it's America!

2005-04-15T09:10:00.000-04:00

Dude, I'm sweating all over your flag...

the year in review. belatedly.

2005-04-14T12:55:00.000-04:00

I forgot about this gem on the self-proclaimed "Best Page in the Universe" until Dave reminded me about it yesterday. Having now heard this abominable record, it's even funnier. Not only that, but it's got some good images and sound clips, to boot. And don't forget to read all the way to the end for the quintessential Bono quote. So without further ado...

The Eleven Worst Songs of 2004

Narrowing down the worst songs of 2004 to a mere eleven was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. What, with Jessica Simpson's "ReJoyce" Christmas-exploitation album, Lindsay Lohan's aural holocaust, "Speak," and Celine Dion's pretentious bullshit "Miracle," and by the way, I didn't think it was possible for me to hate Celine Dion anymore than I already did until I saw the cover of her newest album and accompanying calendar for the modern "grrrl power" super-bitch who finds solace in Dion's brash self-righteous smuggery. Alas, I used some restraint and narrowed the list down to eleven. Here they are:
the list

BONO! This one's for you!

2005-04-14T11:13:00.000-04:00

Dear Bono,

Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here. I'd say I was in heaven, but heaven is where you are.

Love,
Johnny

bookkeeping

2005-04-13T15:50:00.000-04:00

Well it's nice to finally see some stuff up here. I decided yesterday that to begin posting periodical song reviews of their catalog. That's right: I'll listen so you don't have to. Anybody have any other ideas about how we might spruce things up a bit? Leave your comments in.... uh, "comments."

What goes on in that pretty little head of yours?

2005-04-13T15:45:00.000-04:00

What goes on in that place in the dark?
Well I used to know a guy and I could have sworn
That his name was Bono-nica. Anyway... is it Bono or Elvis? U be the judge.

How to Dismantle the Atomic Bono

2005-04-13T15:39:00.000-04:00

From an industry newsletter I receive... (it's slightly edited)

U2 Teaches the World About Texting
By Cory Treffiletti

This past weekend I was lucky enough to see U2 play a sold-out show in
San Jose. If you haven't seen U2 in the last few years, you need to do
so immediately! The show they put on is one of the best shows I've
ever seen and they definitely know how to work a crowd.

During the show, Bono dedicated some microphone time to the topic of
human rights, and as part of their desire to raise awareness for this
timely topic, they asked everyone to take out their cell phones and
text message their names to the number 86483 to be added to a petition
of people who pledge their support to improving human rights around
the globe. Bono stated they were looking for 1 million names and when
I looked around the arena I think it's realistic that they'll get it.

The cell phone is now as ubiquitous, and as useful at a concert, as
the lighter was in the '80s. What's more, 20 minutes later, the names
of the people who had texted themselves was scrolled across the big
screen hovering over the band, allowing the crowd to see their names
in lights and tied forever in the image of their minds to that show.
As one of the people who saw his name in lights, I can personally
attest that the experience was fantastic and a one-of-a-kind feeling.
It allowed me to connect with my inner rock star, if only for a brief
moment.

...

That night, after my name was scrolled for the world to see, I
received four text messages from other people in the crowd who'd seen
my name in lights and wanted to say 'Hi.' No wasting time, just a
quick "what's up" and a "rock on" response. The connection was made,
and we got back to the business at hand.

...

Cory Treffiletti is the senior vice president, managing director at
Carat Interactive San Francisco.

all that you can't leave behind

2005-04-12T20:42:00.000-04:00

It's disconcerting/somewhat unsurprising how words written of a record from seventeen years ago still ring true. According too allmusic.com, "Rattle and Hum" is

...undercut by heavy-handed performances and Bono's embarrassing stage patter; prefacing a leaden cover of "Helter Skelter" with "This is a song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles, and now we're stealing it back" is bad enough, but it pales next to Bono's exhortation "OK, Edge, play the blues!" on the worthy, decidedly unbluesy "Silver and Gold." Both comments reveal more than they intend -- throughout the album, U2 sound paralyzed by their new status as "rock's most important band."

how can you not hate this band?